yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
