Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
