sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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