did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
