yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
