Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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