oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
