fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
