Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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