can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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