We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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