The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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