Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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