Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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