I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
