Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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