just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
