K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
