matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
