I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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