he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
