He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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