Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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