we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
