Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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