ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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