...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
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full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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