When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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