You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
