I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
