It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
