How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
