Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize