matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
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you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
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The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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