My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
