the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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