yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
