just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
