He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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