is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well I just put wine in my tea
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
