I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
