I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
