She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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