AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This baby is an asshole
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
