Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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