I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
