Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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