if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
