I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
