i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
