at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
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She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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