I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
