end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
