ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
