i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
