You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
