My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize