My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
