hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
